Find Me in the Stillness
“Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt”
- Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut
January 18, 2022
I woke up deeply saddened by existence again this morning. In need of new surroundings and feeling full of more *spoons than I had had in a while, I decided to see just how far of a walk the start of the nearby cemeteries would be. 2:22 I headed out. After some frustrating discoveries a la wrong turns and blocked paths and unsure of just how much farther I would need to go, afraid I had set out on too big a quest that would render disappointing in the end, I made my way through an underpass and there the start of the cemeteries began. I had arrived and it was exactly what I had been searching for; nature found with respected stillness. I realized that day that I too would like to take up space in some way after I go. At least a space that someone has created for my presence to just be witnessed and stillness found in that state of Being.
*The concept of using units of “spoons” for how much energy a person has is one I found years ago within the chronic illness community. It is a way to gauge or measure how much energy someone has access to each day, as each day that amount is truly unique. It is used conjunctively with how many spoons, how much energy, certain tasks or activities might use. When battling symptoms of illness — chronic pain, fatigue, brain fog, etc — it’s a way to better understand and work within your own limits as overextending them can lead to crashes or flare ups that last days, weeks, months etc that then can have other far reaching consequences.
// I originally had this in my photography section and was another indicator of… “maybe I’m needing to start a blog as well” // trying to create some order in this chaos // I’m noticing it feels weird to post old work… not sure why that is at the moment, I’ll probably think on that some more but also maybe I will just make a note and see when or if that feeling pops up again later and what the similarities are